saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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