..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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