sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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