As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
