Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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