I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
