Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
