as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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