Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
