Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
