Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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