I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
