Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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