apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize