I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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