if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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