I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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