yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
