Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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