I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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