I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
