Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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