You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
