now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
