you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
