tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
