playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
