I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
