youre lurking in front of me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
