college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
