apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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