we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
