it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
