Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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