Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
