You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
