if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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