Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
