I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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