Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize