i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
