My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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