I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
True college students do jello shots in the library
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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