I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I faked an abortion last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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