But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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