Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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