I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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