and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
