forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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