ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
