Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
