Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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