How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
