Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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