So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
