we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
