so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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