i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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