I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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