I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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