You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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