yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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