I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom