So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio