R you on birth control?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?