My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?