Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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