Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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