I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
